I mentioned in Blogmas Day 1, that I thought maybe I had too much of a good thing during my knit-cation. I can still debate with myself whether or not that’s true, but I have realized that I need to find a little more balance in my life, especially during times when my knitting mojo seems slightly lower than usual.
For some time now, I’ve known that I’m not nearly as active as I should be. And should I happen to forget, my doctor kindly reminds me. If I do have free time (and really – I have plenty of it, thanks to not having children), I generally want to spend it knitting, which would be fine if it wasn’t so terribly sedentary.
The fact is, that belong to and pay for a gym that I don’t go to. The number one reason I don’t go to the gym is generally because all I want to do is knit. But when my knitting mojo is low like it is now, that excuse kind of goes out the window. Fortunately, I’ve got a ton of other excuses. To give you an idea of my level of self-sabotage, here are just a few of the dumb reasons I don’t go to the gym (note a strong theme of paralyzing insecurity and body image issues):
- Since I’ve pretty much never worked out at this gym, I don’t know where all the equipment is, and I will have stand around looking for the equipment I want, and everyone will know that… I’ve never worked out at this gym.
- Then, when I find what I’m looking for, I might not remember how to use it, and people will see me figuring it out or using it wrong.
- Even if I’m using it wrong, I will definitely be thinking: “I’m 100% using this wrong”
- And because it’s been SO long since I last worked out, I won’t know how much weight is too much or too little to put on the machine. So people will see me going back and forth and changing it.
- Even if on the off chance I do something correctly, I don’t *look* the way I did when I used to work out all the time, and so everyone will just assume I don’t know what I’m doing or that I don’t really belong at the gym.
- Also, I’m not as fit as I used to be, so I’ll only be able to do a fraction of what I used to do and it won’t be good enough.
OH MY GOD I AM EXHAUSTED.
So yeah – that’s a little bit of insight into my silly (and super paranoid if not just plain narcissistic) brain.
BUT! Today, after work, I went to the gym. Fortunately, my gym bag has been packed and ready in the back of my car for several months now. I did the elliptical for 30 mins, and when I started to pedal backwards (intentionally) and the machine decided to just turn off, I felt like EVERYONE was staring at me thinking, “You should have known you can’t do that.”
And then I reminded myself of two pretty important things: a) actually no, I’ve used a lot of different elliptical machines in my day and none of them have just completely turned off when you start going backward to get in a good butt workout and b) yeah, no one was looking at me.
And then I went to the stretching area to stretch and try some free weights and crunches and light strength training. Did I have a plan? Not really. But I started to remember different exercises that I used to like that didn’t require much more than a medicine ball and a couple free weights. I tried to ignore the voices of all the people who definitely were NOT looking at me, and eventually I started to feel more confident.
Side note: I bet my workout would be way more effective if I were actually focusing on working out.
I have a feeling are better free weights somewhere else in the gym besides the few random ones that are in the stretching area, and I bet if I looked around to try to find them, no one would even notice or think that I’m a total idiot for looking around. WHY am I so afraid to look around to try to find the equipment I want to use????
If it’s any consolation, my narcism is nauseating for me too.
Anyway, all of that was completely not knitting related, but my point is – sometimes we have to get ourselves back in balance and that means stepping out of our safe, cozy little knitting nook where nobody looks at you or judges you and you have to put on your yoga pants and go to the gym and feel like a total boob for a little while, so you can come home and actually enjoy some quality knitting time – which is exactly what I did.